In a relationship, you might feel uneasy, or perhaps you always feel like your partner doesn't love you enough, that they can't meet your expectations, that they do this or that...
But have you ever considered that it might be because of you? That your own bad habits are causing the other person distress?
Alright, to be honest, people who get dumped are absolutely, 100% not going to reflect on themselves right after the breakup. It's not that they don't know how to reflect—it's that the sudden shock leaves them unable to think about more complex or nuanced things.
You can't blame them for that—anyone would react the same way.
But if you've just been dumped and are reading this article, please calm down first. Then grab a pen and paper and see how many of these six bad habits that drive people away you've picked up.
Table of Contents
Throughout the day, you'll want to stick to him like glue 24 hours a day.
Men all like having their own space. They need some time alone, even if they're not doing anything. It's a way for them to relax.
You always wait for him to plan outings for you, and without him, you just stay home doing nothing. No friends, no other activities whatsoever. You even dislike him having his own friends and activities, and you start demanding he leave his friends behind.
But when you want to follow him around 24/7, it makes him feel suffocated. That sense of pressure will eventually wear him down.
You're so annoying, you know that? If you want him back, then start learning to keep yourself busy—not so busy you can't even sleep, but busy enough that your life includes other people and other things besides him.
One phone call, and you'd want to talk for hours.
You might enjoy lying in bed and chatting with him on the phone for hours every day.
When we first started pursuing you, we won't deny that they would do this—and they were enthusiastic about it. Sometimes it was even him asking to chat with you for hours on end.
Many girls wonder why their partners have changed. Why aren't they as passionate as they were in the beginning?
Men and women approach love differently. Women tend to grow closer over time, increasingly wanting to be with the other person, even wishing they could become inseparable like conjoined twins;
But men are different. Once the initial novelty fades over time, they mature. This doesn't mean he no longer loves you or that he only enjoyed the thrill of the chase—though we can't deny some men are like that. When he wants to cut back on phone time, it simply means he's ready to return to his normal evening routine.
If your boyfriend wants to cut back on phone time, don't force him to chat with you—otherwise, you might only get perfunctory responses. Instead, call him every few days, or hang up before he does. This will make him miss you more. .
You want him to check in every hour.
You might want to know what he's doing now and who he's with. But remember, your relationship is that of lovers, not instructor and student.
You can let him know what you're doing every hour—for example, if you're going out to meet a friend for coffee, you can call or text him to say so. But don't ask what he's doing, and hang up after a minute or two.
If he enjoys these brief calls and keeping in touch, he'll start doing the same thing with you.
This behavior cannot be forced. If he does so, please tell him you're happy to know what he's doing now and appreciate his willingness to share with you; but if he doesn't like it, then please don't force him. You love him for who he is, not because he's your copy machine.
You lack a sense of security and always crave protection.
When he's with another woman, you feel uneasy. You're always worried he'll leave you, and you feel inferior.
In your romantic relationship, you often play the role of the protected one—even to the point of taking it for granted.
Asking him for help can indeed make him feel needed and masculine, but when you demand too much over time, he'll start to get angry and feel annoyed.
Honestly, you're not a useless person who needs to ask him for help with everything. It's not wrong to want him to be part of your life, but going overboard will only make him look down on you. He might even start thinking that as long as he wants you, you'll just throw yourself at him.
Perhaps that is indeed the case, but please start changing this mindset and approach from now on.
You always suspect he's having an affair with someone else.
You may have suspected he was cheating on you because he didn't reply to your messages or calls, showed up late for dates, or went out with friends—thinking he might already be having an affair, with the other woman right under your nose.
But think about it—if someone is truly intent on having an affair, do you really think you can stop them?
The answer is definitely no. Humans are clever; when they set out to do something like this, they've already found ways and tricks to keep you from noticing. If you do catch on, it's either because they deliberately let you know, or they've already decided it doesn't matter if you find out.
Have faith in yourself. He loves you for who you are, and even if he meets another new female friend, it won't lessen his thoughts of you. If there's true love between you, he'll know what to do.
If you continue to doubt him after he repeatedly assures you, it will only make him more inclined to cheat. After all, since you're already convinced he'll deceive you, you might as well fulfill your expectations and prove your point.
You can't accept that he doesn't revolve around you.
This statement sounds a bit discouraging, because in a man's eyes, you're not the center of the universe.
You always want his attention, whether he's talking to someone else, working, doing something, or even relaxing alone—you feel he should be paying attention to you.
If you go without contact for even a short while, you'll start to feel he doesn't love you enough and that he's about to abandon you.
By this point, you've become quite stubborn. And in relationships, no one likes someone who's stubborn and unwilling to communicate.
If you're truly worried, why not have a heart-to-heart with him? Share your reasons and insecurities. Make some compromises and adjustments for each other to make this relationship feel more relaxed.
You need to learn how to make him want you more, instead of nagging him all day long. If you get upset because he didn't call you back while watching a movie, it might be because you've been out of work too long.
