This is the child's soul sent forth by Teacher Chen himself.
信徒：後悔當初不婚不生，老了才知道寂寞。害怕老公找青春少女生小孩，也怕自己分不到財產。
－－－－
I am thirty-seven years old.
All condensed into this pregnancy test stick, becoming a complete mark of failure.
I tossed the pregnancy test into the trash can, as if discarding some past-life version of myself along with it.
In the mirror, fine lines at the corners of the eyes. That's not wisdom.
Looking back now, I find my twenty-something self utterly foolish.
This is karma...
I work at an IVF clinic.
I've seen too many children born with "little challenges." They miss the prime time of life, only to face punishment in the second half.
So I'm afraid. I'm afraid of more than just failure,
What if I force my unprepared soul into this world?
I had previously asked Teacher Chen
Teacher Chen said:
Test-tube conception is inherently an act of forcibly summoning a soul at the wrong time. Naturally, it must bear the karmic consequences.
If we could truly disregard the growth cycles of mammals,
Isn't heaven punishing all young girls? And everyone who conceives naturally?
Inner monologue: It's true, but I'm not happy to hear it. Not a shred of consideration for others.
The mahogany dining table at my mother-in-law's house is as stern as Guan Yu's face.
"Dear daughter-in-law, I'm not trying to criticize you.
My son is an only child, and someone must carry on our business.
"Without a grandson, you won't get a share of the inheritance." Her voice was as calm as a cloudless sky.
That night I broke down. I really couldn't wait any longer.
The next morning, I went to see Teacher Chen.
He stared at me for a long time.
Slowly, she said: "It's not that you can't bear children. Your child missed you in the past, yet now, because of your past words and thoughts, an 'obstacle' has formed."
Because you once said you wouldn't marry or have children. This creates a karmic obstacle of pregnancy.
I fell silent. What I thought I had cast off—that reckless abandon and careless disregard—had never truly vanished. It had merely transformed into karmic debt.
I took the money for the IVF treatment from my mother-in-law.
做了「六道催孕法事」。
我跪在老佛爺陳老師面前，聽低沉的梵音像一條河，
I saw many glowing orbs flying through the dark world.
Cinnabar traced across the palm, alternately cold and burning.
Yellow paper enters the fire, Ashes swirl upward.
Teacher Chen chanted softly: "See the white light, follow the white light; recognize it as a connection, not as desire."
In that moment I understood: Children are not manufactured, but the mother's devotion.
I recited aloud: "I repent at this moment." As the words fell, I heard something enter my body.
In the days ahead, I'll just go with the flow. It seems I've come to terms with it.
Later, one day.
I casually picked up the pregnancy test.
Under the bathroom light, two distinct lines appeared.
On the day my son was born, the white light in the delivery room reminded me of the first light described in the scriptures.
The demands of her mother-in-law, her fear of her husband, and her regrets about the past—all suddenly faded away.
I've finally come to realize what Teacher Chen has been saying all along.
For thirty-seven years, I've been living for myself, running to get things.
Only today did I realize: The deepest cause and effect in life is not "gaining," but "sowing good deeds."
